Dear Cavalier Flatware User,
First off, I would like to thank you for being the sort of customer who arrives at a restaurant with an appetite that requires more than one course of food to sate. Kudos on that. By deciding to have an appetizer, soup or salad, you have made a choice that helps you as much as it helps me or the restaurant. Sure, you spend a little more money on that, and therefore end up leaving a larger tip, but your meal is not only a more complete experience, it will run more smoothly. By ordering a starting dish that is constructed and designed by the Chef with an eye to quick preparation and execution, you have ensured that your meal will get underway expediently, and that you will have something to nibble on as you chat with your friends and loved ones. If they are anything like my friends and loved ones, chat alone will not sustain you.
You have also saved yourself the irritation of having to flag down your waiter, or any passerby who looks as if they work here, and query them as to when you might expect your dish to arrive, since it was, by your watch, half-past forever since you placed your order. No, you are not that type, the sort of mouthbreather that demands fresh handmade plates then expects them to be delivered with McSpeed to your table. You understand that the appetizer page is not designed solely to nickel and dime you out of your hard earned credit, but to provide you and your appetite something to focus on while the 20-40 minutes pass as your entrée is prepared.
Yet I am perplexed by your need to return to me, immediately after use, any piece of flatware that has made contact with a foodstuff of any kind. Perhaps I am unsubtle in palate, and cannot taste the spoilage left on a fork that is capable of causing the ruination of any subsequent dish. Maybe it is because my mouth is able to provide saliva, nature’s solvent, which has such a cleansing effect on the fork that I don’t feel the need to receive a newly washed one with every plate. Or perhaps it is because I realize that in today’s Green World, unnecessary and frivolous washing is a waste of water, nevermind the variety of cleaning products used that end up in the watershed.
I am looking at you, person who dirtied a knife and fork to eat a single bite amuse bouche off of the perfectly usable and stylish spoon that it was served to you on. Hint: if something is delivered to you on a utensil normally used as a vehicle to transfer food from the table to your mouth, you are free to (and likely meant to) use that utensil to eat it. I am looking at you too, person who used a knife and fork in addition to a spoon to eat a soup that was a puree with one lone scallop sitting in it. A scallop so tender, it could be cut with the edge of a spoon, the first and most versatile eating utensil developed by man. And you, person who orders a seven course tasting menu and generates over 20 pieces of dirty cutlery that not only must be replaced at the table, but cleaned (see above, re: Green World) and polished as well. Your table alone is responsible for an entire load of silver that will need to be sent through the wash. Feel free to go ahead and add that to your carbon footprint.
Perhaps it is because your common sense is clouded by the power drunk realization that for once, you don’t have to do the dishes, so waste be damned! It could be a vengeful move made after 24 years of having to clean up after an ungrateful family. Or maybe you have trouble with the real world application of the Green ideals that you espouse.
Whatever the reason, myself, my staff, and the entire planet would appreciate it if you would take a moment to consider tossing away perfectly usable flatware between courses before you do it. Use some common sense.
With warm regards,
Your Waiter
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